By | Renee Ellis
We’re all at a point in our lives where we need to begin to seriously think about what our future will look like - at least that is the expectation for college students. It has become the norm to expect college students, and those around our age range, to mature, find serious jobs, find commitment in various aspects of their lives, and grow into the adults our society needs to see. All these pressures are incredibly stressful, and many of them hold some serious weight. It is important for us to develop, mature, and grow into the best versions of ourselves. However, my take on “figuring out life” looks a little different. I believe that growth starts from the inside. It is about who we really are, not just who we wish to be. It is incredibly easy to focus on the physical changes of life, so often we forget about the personal development we must all go through. There are many lessons that I wish I learned and implemented in my life before falling victim to the pressures of trying to build a perfect life. And truthfully there is no better time than now to start to get your life together. I fully believe that college is the most expensive self-development in the world - so let’s begin! Here is a list of often-forgotten lessons on how to get your life together.
Who Are You?
Put your phone down, be alone for more than 24 hours, turn the music off, unplug, etc. Who are you? What do you like? What do you even want to do? If you don’t know the answers to those questions, you don’t have any direction in life. Even worse - you have nothing to stand for so you are liable to fall for anything. Thankfully, you are not alone. Many people have been in your shoes - including me - and many people are still there. As harsh as this topic may be, it is so exceptionally important for every last one of us to know who we are. You can’t get to where you want to be if you can’t recognize where you are, and your own identity. In the world we live in today, we all wish we had a better sense of self, a particular personality, and individuality but we criticize these aspects of ourselves and others the hardest. Our society is so judgmental, and I believe that we college students are professionals at picking ourselves apart to try to fit into a particular mold or to meet others' expectations. But, if we quieted all the noise and got rid of all the distractions, do you know who you truly are? Outside of the pressures from society, do you know your worth? I suggest journaling to find the answers to these questions. Some good prompts are:
Who is (insert your name here)?
Who do you wish to be in the future?
What are your strengths and weaknesses?
How have you made yourself proud in the past 3 months?
Knowing who we are requires a lot of honesty, but really the truth will set you free. Free from the pressures society tries to place on you, free from the expectations of others, and free from needing other people's validation. I believe that everyone should know in their hearts and in their minds that who they are is a beautiful thing, that they have purpose and importance, and that they don’t need to conform because their true selves are a gift to this world.
Loyalty and Fidelity
Have you ever met a person who always says, “Loyalty over everything!” or “Loyalty is my love language.” I have found that for some people, this is their requirement for others, not necessarily of themselves. Loyalty is a gift - a sacrifice - not a requirement. Too many people want followers instead of real loyalty. Loyalty also goes both ways. Being loyal doesn't mean I follow you blindly in whatever direction you wish to lead me in, and you call the shots. Instead, being loyal and showing fidelity means I am on your side and am here to support you. Likewise, you are on my side, and you support me as well. That also means, if you are wrong or moving in the wrong direction, I can be honest with you. Because I want the best for you, I wish to correct you and steer you in the right direction. Not watch you fail and stumble all for the sake of loyalty. Many people today want “yes-men”. They want to be surrounded by those who never disagree, push back, or even have their own opinions and ideas. They like to be surrounded by those who enable them and call it loyalty. To be their friend, you have to fall in line with whatever they wish to see happen, agree to everything they agree to, and think exactly how they think. Those are not the characteristics of a real friend. Instead, people like that drag other people down, oppress those around them, and lead people down the wrong path in life. Know who you are loyal to and know what that really means. Be careful with who you give your sacrifice of loyalty to.
Love is Not People
If the quality and quantity of the love in your life is based on the approval and acceptance of people, you will continue to be disappointed in nearly every aspect of your life. That isn’t to say don’t love people or strive for relationships. Instead, don’t let other people’s opinions and perceptions of you be the measure of love in your life. And certainly, don’t let other people’s approval of you determine your worth. When someone is asked why they love you, their answers should not be filled with just explanations of how attractive you are or what you do for them. Real love is a choice. Real love is also unconditional. That means you don’t have to have the newest hairstyle, the best fit in the room, or the most money to be loved. You can still be loved, and you are deserving of love no matter what you look like or what season of life you are in. If the people in your life base their love for you on your looks, how much you do for them, or solely how you make them feel, that is not real love. You can be fully surrounded by people, never alone, and the center of attention, yet no one in that crowd really loves you. Love is a myriad of things, but it is not other people’s validation. It is not being popular, or the prettiest, or any other fleeting superficial characteristic. It is incredibly important for our generation to learn what real love is and how to show it to those around us.
How Big is Your World
If you can comprehend how big your world is, you’re not thinking big enough. If you think you have already lived your life, you have no vision. And if everyone you think you could ever love is around you, your heart is not big enough. There is so much life to live in this world! There is so much to do, so many things to see and to experience! I feel as though many people lack hope or feel stuck in their current situation because they feel as though the things and the people around them are all there is in life. But that cannot be further from the truth. We all need to experience living outside of our comfort zone at least once in our lives because that is where our best growth happens. I encourage you to expand your horizons, meet new people, and try the one thing you’ve always wanted to try because it will help you to see just how big and full of hope and opportunity this world can be. Hopelessness is devastating and unfortunately so many people today suffer through it. There is so much to this life, however, we must be willing to see it and have the courage to live it to the fullest.
These are just a few of the lessons worth mentioning pertaining to trying to figure out life and how to live it. There are many more lessons but those are the few that I feel our generation needs to remember. You (your true self) matter, you are deserving of real unconditional love, loyalty is a gift and should be cherished, and there is so much more to this world than the challenges we face today. As we get older, we will learn more about ourselves and life but let’s never forget we must pour into ourselves internally before we can pour into others.
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